Being in love pushes all your buttons! What’s happening when you feel irritated at your partner for not recognizing or meeting one of your unmet needs? Is it him or her? Or is it you? Would you like to know how to tease apart what is yours and what is not? How do you do it? How do you evolve your relationships with others that expresses the deepest part of your soul and spirit? Do you objectify others (what utility he or she serves for you) or is the purpose in the relationship to honor the soul of yourself and the other?
So is it love, attachment, or addiction? Can you recognize the difference? Ram Dass speaks to this dilemma in relationships that so many face. He says that we make the mistake of thinking that the person can give us something that we crave–that sense of oneness, safety, connection, peace and serenity that comes with our orgasm. So we covet the person in order to gain the feeling we seek and become addicted to the act instead of recognizing that we just want to FEEL CONNECTED in this life. The following link is a Q & A session where he addresses this challenge of the spirit. ~ Namaste
From my observation, I immediately see one of the problems and that is a misunderstanding or a serious lack of communication. They are NOT working together, and in return we “think” we are doing something they want, but it is not conveyed in the relationship, hence feelings will and can change from love to attachment and vise vs. I see this as manipulation.
Manipulation: Is not expressing “YOUR” needs and “YOUR” wants.
So, if I went bowling every Wed night and it upset the person I am in a relationship with, BUT if they don’t say anything, then manipulation has occurred.
Another troublesome element to that is that oftentimes we are not in touch with our true inner needs and therefore cannot identify what it is, let alone for us to articulate it! So we think that what we need is external to us…we need the other person to “do” or “be” something and if they would only do or be that, then we would be happy. Therefore, much of our relationship problems are just “reflected” to us in our relationships, but it is OUR responsibility to own our projections. We are called forth to find the truth within and understand that the resolution rests within our hearts. I have found that the book, The Art of Living by Thich Nhat Hanh to be an essential handbook on how to navigate that inner journey. Namaste
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